Giving Thanks

I have to take a moment from the usual bike riding and outdoors escapades to give some thanks.

Where is this coming from you ask? I dunno exactly, but it is something I have been thinking about a lot, especially on (you guessed it) my mtn. bike rides alone.

The question really came into focus early last month. I was informed by my brother via phone while I was at work that my childhood best friend, Jay had been killed in an auto accident. To say I was stunned was an understatement, but it was mixed with a weird detachment that came with being out of contact with Jay for the last 5-7 years and being preoccupied with work at the moment. To be honest, the feeling has yet to truly sink in, but it has made me take pause and re-evaluate myself, my friends and friendships.

Where to start?

Jay and I were inseperable from third grade all the way through high school, a like in so many ways—our desire to hunt lizards and snakes was borderline obsessive. Sure there was a time in high school that we didn't speak for a few months, but Jay was MY best friend. At a time that I felt like I had so many good friends, he stood out as always being there, someone who shared my passions for snakes and drawing and Farside cartoons. We got into so much trouble at times, we had our parents wondering. But not a day went by that we weren't down by the river building forts, looking for snakes or hiking around. Times were so simple then...

Highschool found our sorry asses last in line to get driver's licenses so you would be guaranteed to find us walking everywhere. And did I mention our obsession with rap music? At a time when everyone was listening to new wave or Metallica(1987 and on), we were up to our necks in Kurtis Blow, Dougie Fresh, MC Shy D and Troop shoes.

Original wiggers for sure.

Of course we didn't know any better, being from the mean streets of Napa. We just knew that the whole McDonalds paycheck HAD to go to the newest Air Jordans or the sweetest Le Coq Sportif sweatjacket. Napa High school didn't know what hit it when we showed up with the sweet Troop LL Cool J or Ice Lamb shoes and lines shaved into our hair... damn! I can't forget the highschool and (later) Mormon dances. What better place to show off the latest moves, the Kid-N-Play, anything Hammer was doing, wicked renditions of the running man. Jay especially. He got so into dancing he was like in a trance. Hitting up the Junk Rock, Lipps Disco or any one the bay area clubs, we ran wild.

Jay settled after high school and found Mormonism. Not everyone's cup of tea, but it was great for Jay. I was really sad to see him head out for 2 years on his mission and it was then, the Junior college days, that we drifted apart. Girlfriends and new friends came into my life. Mountain Biking entered the scene around 1989 for me and although we exchanged some letters and calls, our friendship was going the route many do as we grow older. Not so much away, but apart.

Even when I was in Cal Poly and after, staying at my parent's house we would somehow hook up and spend hours in my parent's garage just shooting the shit. Never really talking about much but talking none the less.

The last five years I only saw Jay a couple of times. We both had families (he had me beat on that one with 4 kids), but we still sporadically saw each other. What's so weird about the whole thing, even after my last time seeing him at Kennedy park less than a year ago (where he recounted that he had just recently rolled his giant Ford SUV on black Ice in Tahoe-thankfully no one was hurt), no definite plans were made to see each other again. It was just if it happened it did. Life is funny for me that way I have found. My friendships, especially from childhood-the one's I swore back then would be forever-are quite far apart. When we do see each other, my friends from then and I are really close (I think), joking and seemingly not missing a beat, but life and life styles dictate that we aren't like then.

What am I getting at? If you hang with me, I think I am trying to get at a lot of things.

One is that I hurt terribly that Jay is gone-especially for his family that he left behind.

It is still a little hard to grasp that he is gone-especially given that I didn't know if I would ever see him again (he was moving to Utah). I guess I always just thought we would, but on a chance. Now that chance is gone and a friend that I had known for over 20 years will never be able to hear that I am thankful for all that we shared...

And that leads me back to my thoughts on my rides and title of this post...There are so many people in my life that don't have the faintest idea how much I appreciate and love them and how thankful I am for knowing them...

My mom and dad for providing for me and helping (good and bad) me become who I am.

My brother for always being there, always selflessly lending an helping hand or freelance job. You are a true inspiration, I don't know that I could ever thank you enough...

My sister for being there too. we're not as close as we should be, but I hold out hope that you can see that there is a lot you can do and are capable of, and I will work harder to be around for you too...

My wife for putting up with me and sticking with a family that wasn't necessarily planned. I know I am a bear to be around and who knows what will happen to us, you truly represent all that I look for in a soulmate and I'll always remember that spark I felt when we accidently touched in my kitchen so long ago. Your patience and thoughtful heart are an inspiration for this hardened soul, I can only hope to achieve 1/100 of your character.

Grady, you're a great friend, one of the best. A true sounding board for so many ideas and ideals. I want you to know I'll always be there for you...

Kirby, you taught me it was OK to ride alone. Something I hold dearly today for the soul empowering and mind clearing benefits it offers. Before meeting you, I was too scared to consider it and now I relish the solo ride...

Squiggles for showing me how to go 130% at something anything. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. But damn, you have it in you to do things right. Your cooking skills and confidence are sorely missed. Now that you apply that drive to doing all your own home repairs/construction, I stand in awe...

Johnoss, you've been a really supporter in a wacky, weird way. Our time together really is awesome whether in Tahoe, CVC or on a phone. You've been more than generous with bike gear and help and I truly appreciate it.

Justin B, Ken N. ,Allen, Lukman, Rich, Jed, Seth, Otto, Stacie, Todd, Paul...I could go on and on, there are so many people that I need to at least have read that I know they are there and I wouldn't be half the person without knowing them and sharing my life in both big and small ways with.

I write this blog for anyone to see to know that I am thankful, I love my friends and family and I will do my best to not take anything in life for granted because you never know what might happen and when it boils down to it, we all have a lot to be thankful for...