Anniversary

Broken. Crashed. Wrecked...Fixed, repaired and healing...What a year.

Funny how time flies.

One year has passed since I crashed my bike and jacked up my shoulder.

One year later, where am I?

To say I am doing completely well with the entire past year and it's occurrences would be far from the truth. I have good days, sometimes weeks. And I have rough ones. Not a day goes by that I don't find something, sometimes as small as hanging up a shirt, that reminds me in so many emotions (both good and bad) of not only where I was, but where I am.

My reconciliation with her is no where near happening. I admit, I struggle very heavily with that. Someone I was around for practically every day for 5 years, I knew so little. Someone I can hardly bring myself to say "OK" to without being overwhelmed with emotion. Sometimes it feels more possible than others. My "clarity" seems to over-power my pride, my ego, my loss. I can see the acceptance in "not working out together". But my past, myself- get in the way a lot more and the water becomes clouded with "why's", "how could she" and more. 

So my time with and around her for now is silent.

I have somehow traded members of my family in the exchange as well. Again, I made and will make mistakes, but this time is different. I can't pinpoint the reason(s), and I can't bring myself to apologize for things that don't require apology. I admit it is not easy, given all that is happening. I have no hard feelings, harbor no unfair expectations. There is no "mine" and "her's" when it comes to family-I will never be a person to require those around me to make that choice. I would never want to alienate anyone from "family"—no matter how much I hurt. 

I know now more than ever we don't necessarily make "best friends", but I will always be friendly.  And family.

 My heart goes out to you guys. I wish you the best as you are about to embark on an entirely new and exciting path...

My focus is as simple as my profile--my son and my self. Jake is an amazing human being that keeps opening my eyes to the world everytime I am around him. For him, I am there. For me, I will continue to learn, to live to be the best dad and human I can. There is so much that we (I) take (or took) for granted. So many mistakes made. This year has opened my eyes to those things and so much more. 

It is because of this past year I am more than I was. And only a part of what I continue to grow into...

Pink

Almost 9 months of waiting, saving, selling bike parts and waiting has come to a beautiful end. I replaced my faithful Ventana (after selling it piece by piece along with a bunch of other stuff) with a Retrotec. And it's pink! I dorked out and did about 20 color schemes, but in the end, I am very happy with simple panels and black logos.

A tremendous amount of thanks to Curtis for letting me be involved in the process, cut tubes, and loiter in the background while this bike came together. 

Thanks to both Curtis and Steve for parts help too---couldn't have built it without you.

True test is how I ride it...been off SS for a bit (since County line??!!!). One thing is for sure, I am looking forward to pushing something easier than the 32:16 I have been using for the past 7 years!

Here's a quick pic, more to come after I get big camera back.

Peter

One more new post for tonight. 

A quick introduction to my new canine friend, Peter.

Funny thing, I wasn't looking for a dog (but then again have I ever really known what I was looking for?), much less one that looked almost like ol' Kona, but somethings work in crazy ways.

Last Tuesday I was in SF taking a class for work and afterwards I headed to Bernal Heights to visit with my good friend Grady. We got to talking and he was lamenting the fact he was gonna have to put his new rescue pup (Peter) up for adoption because he just didn't have the time to devote to Peter. We took a walk up to the top of Bernal Hill and I kept thinking  and saying how cool Peter was (is). I blurted out, "It would be cool if you could bring him to Napa. Kinda a trial for week. See how he and I do. More importantly, how he and Jake do."

Grady was way into it and the plan was hatched. So last Saturday Grady and his wife drove up with Peter and our journey began.

Peter's a funny guy-he has to be everywhere I am. He's a little guy-about 2/3 Kona's size and sports the coolest spotted tongue I have ever seen. He listens pretty well for 7 month old pup and gets along with Jake famously. He loves his chew toys (Grady cautioned me of chewing, so we're keeping an eye on anything that might get his attention) and burying bones in the yard.

He and I (and Jake too) have been having some great walks up in Westwood Hills. It's an added bonus that I have another living thing in the house when Jake isn't here.

Anyway-I am sure there will be many more adventures-it's all totally new to me as this truly is my first dog, but I am confident we'll work out just fine.

Ventana is for sale

Well, the time has come for me to let go of one of my most prized bikes-the Ventana El Toro SS.

With the divorce, the Retrotec and the simple reality that I need to keep it up with bike-in: bike-out, I humbly submit my baby to a new owner.

Here's the blurb from CL. I doubt there are buyers that look here, but what the hell--one more chance to document the bike...

I am selling my faithful Ventana El Toro SS.
I am the original owner-bike is very well maintained-no dents, crack. A few paint chips from riding, but nothing extreme.

Sale includes frame, cranks and BB.

Cranks are Truvativ Stylo SS, 180mm and will come with 32 and 34T chainrings. BB is Shimano.

Frame specs:
Seat Tube: C-C 16.5", C-T=18"
TT: Effective is 22.5"
Headtube is 1-1/8" (headset NOT included)
Seattube is 27.2
V-Brake only
Easton Elite 60 Tubeset

I purchased the bike unused from my former boss. It was custom built using lighter tubes and builds to be about a 20-21lb bike without going crazy on lightweight bits (it was 21lb with a King SS wheelset and Fox fork for me).

Very unique paint-it is a translucent yellow/green with what look like cracks in the clear coat. They are meant to be there according to boss and the only instances of paint chipping is from riding (I have included pic of worst one for reference).

Anyway-I wouldn't be selling this bike if I didn't have to, but a new one is on the way, so I must transfer this great bike to someone new.

$500 obo.

Smokey and the Balloon

Cali is on fire and we are again under smokey skies. 

It is pretty crazy to not see blue sky for a week at a time. It's even hard to see the hills a few miles away during the day. 

Pretty crazy though, as I was getting ready for work around 7AM the other day, I looked out my window and was not only able to look directly at the orange sky and sun, but saw a determined hot air balloon enjoying significantly unhealthy air quality. I could just see some tourist saying, "I'll be damned if I am not going up in a Hot Air Balloon on my trip to Napa Valley!"

Guess I am not so smart either-I keep riding in the smoke too.

Looking forward to seeing blue sky again...

Sweet

Back in the day, 1985, 86 to be exact, I was totally enthralled with the Porsche 959 and other Group B Rally racing cars of the time. A. Brooks just re-kindled that flame with images of the other sweet vehicle at the time the Ford RS200.

Google leads to memories I never got to see in action...

Rothmans 959---Sweet.

Fine collection-Audi, Lancia and Peugot 205 (which I still have my model from).

Wonder

Gonna keep it going here.

Last Sunday Jake and I headed to the local park to try and fly a glider we picked up at Salvation Army.

That was fun.

What was incredible to me as a dad was watching my son be a boy.

He chased dragonflies around the entire park with an energy that had to be seen to be believed.

He's incredible.

The  spark of life Jake brings to the world, watching him grow and learn and live...it keeps my heart beating.

I never knew it could be so fun to read old science fiction books we bought at the library book sale (Tom Swift Jr. from 1952!). How invigorating it can be to try to remember and share another story from "when I was a kid". How we can work together to build some of the most amazing Lego creations I have ever seen.

It calms my restless, somewhat selfish heart.

He is everything to me.

Sixty on a Wednesday

Enough of the sad and drama posts-my life isn't all that bad. It was only  8 months ago I was commuting daily to SF for work. What does that mean? Well add 3 hours to my work day. Or actually-more realistically-subtract three hours from my family day. The job was great. The people I worked with were incredible. The commute killed.

FF--->> to 7/2/08.

I work in town.

I can see my son for almost 3 hours after work (On Monday and Tuesday currently).

My job is really cool.

I can get a 60 mile road ride in on a Wednesday, like I did today.

18 mile commute to and from work.

40+ mile road ride with 3000' of climbing after work with great friends.

Nice. 

Real nice.

Oh yeah and I went kayaking last Thursday after work. Listened to a band while floating on the river.  Paddled home in the dark under an almost full moon.

Guess it all isn't so bad.

Just need to know how to look at it.

I'm gonna go get my eyes checked.

Tuesday

How is it that such a seemingly innocuous day could become so dreaded, so despised as a Tuesday? 

It doesn't happen because of the name or place on the calendar. 

Nothing really tied to a specific date.

Why then?

For me, Tuesday pushes in my face all of my failures, all of my fears, all of my frustrations, insecurities, anger, sadness and regret. 

Tuesday mean no questions from my son. No staying up too late to read. No more drawings or dinners reciting another "story about when I was a kid..."

Tuesday is that forced smile I get at the door. The "how are you" that is as hollow as hell. 

Tuesday comes too quickly and hurts for too long. 

Tuesday reminds me that she left not just for her co-worker long ago, but "me" even before that.

Tuesday beckons me back to an empty, silent house. No longer a home. More like a shell waiting for what will be decided by a mediator by a process and not by a family. 

Tuesday is hell.

Wednesday is one step closer to Sunday...

I never knew 2.5 days could mean so much. I'll never take so many things for granted...