Anniversary

Broken. Crashed. Wrecked...Fixed, repaired and healing...What a year.

Funny how time flies.

One year has passed since I crashed my bike and jacked up my shoulder.

One year later, where am I?

To say I am doing completely well with the entire past year and it's occurrences would be far from the truth. I have good days, sometimes weeks. And I have rough ones. Not a day goes by that I don't find something, sometimes as small as hanging up a shirt, that reminds me in so many emotions (both good and bad) of not only where I was, but where I am.

My reconciliation with her is no where near happening. I admit, I struggle very heavily with that. Someone I was around for practically every day for 5 years, I knew so little. Someone I can hardly bring myself to say "OK" to without being overwhelmed with emotion. Sometimes it feels more possible than others. My "clarity" seems to over-power my pride, my ego, my loss. I can see the acceptance in "not working out together". But my past, myself- get in the way a lot more and the water becomes clouded with "why's", "how could she" and more. 

So my time with and around her for now is silent.

I have somehow traded members of my family in the exchange as well. Again, I made and will make mistakes, but this time is different. I can't pinpoint the reason(s), and I can't bring myself to apologize for things that don't require apology. I admit it is not easy, given all that is happening. I have no hard feelings, harbor no unfair expectations. There is no "mine" and "her's" when it comes to family-I will never be a person to require those around me to make that choice. I would never want to alienate anyone from "family"—no matter how much I hurt. 

I know now more than ever we don't necessarily make "best friends", but I will always be friendly.  And family.

 My heart goes out to you guys. I wish you the best as you are about to embark on an entirely new and exciting path...

My focus is as simple as my profile--my son and my self. Jake is an amazing human being that keeps opening my eyes to the world everytime I am around him. For him, I am there. For me, I will continue to learn, to live to be the best dad and human I can. There is so much that we (I) take (or took) for granted. So many mistakes made. This year has opened my eyes to those things and so much more. 

It is because of this past year I am more than I was. And only a part of what I continue to grow into...